2011 AD. Arrived in Hell today. This super creepy thing announced itself as Satan and said it would be torturing me forever. It scared the crap out of me.

2111 AD. Satan took a break from burning the flesh off my body and he made a scary face and said he was enjoying himself immensely. I said, "Whatever dude, you're obviously not scary anymore. Besides, I'm dead. I can't get any deader..."

3111 AD. Agony gets a bit boring after a while. I've emotionally checked out of this scene and well, once my nerve endings are incinerated, my whole body is just numb.

4555 AD. Tired of screaming during torture sessions. Started singing Neil Diamond tunes instead.

6000 AD. Satan said torturing me wasn't as fun as it once was but leaves a small minion in charge of me. The minion isn't quite as zealous as Satan himself and takes a lot of cigarette breaks.

10,000 AD. Herby (the minion) and I practically chain smoke while watching movies. Haven't seen Satan for millenia. We might go on a panty raid next week at the girl's cabin.

20,000 AD. Have a small home now on a couple acres a couple blocks just outside the Gates of Hell. Herby spending a lot of time growing roses out back. Might go fishing today at the lake.