It feels odd to see my own face in the mirror.
...I am me. Yet I'm not me.
...I look around and I feel like I'm in alien territory...and I feel small.
This is all good. Honestly. And no one ever stops changing. But this is a big one for me. I know that I like who I'm becoming. Someone tougher, more confident. I don't have time...for anything, yet somehow the Goddess brings me to just the right spiritual moment or moments, every month or so. Generally around a full moon.
I feel like I'm not witch enough to handle who I'm becoming, and that this new and updated version of myself will have alot to figure out, spiritually once I've finished becoming a soldier. I mean, I'll have a couple full time jobs by then, and college. The next six years will be me figuring out who I want to be.
I like the warrior image. I understand now that you don't have to be loud or scary to be a warrior. Most of us I've seen so far as like me; gentle hearted and soft-spoken.
We represent respect, discipline, and caring about our fellow man.
Never leave a fallen comrade behind. That's the line that gets me the most. We're meant to care about everyone around us, whether we like them or not. I believe in this so much...and it gives me a sense of belonging.
I picked the National Guard because, I wanted to be there when people needed me to be somewhere the most. Nothing toward my personality, because I'm so tired of people wanting me personally to do this and that. I dislike being popular. But being needed because I'm an able-bodied and highly qualified young woman, that's what I want. Also, because I knew the Guard gives the most time to develop yourself and education also. I mean I will have a job and college full time on top of being an active duty soldier.
Be all I can be.
But I am changing. My stress is mostly due to how I don't automatically understand my wants and needs as much as I did say...last year. Graduation is two months away, I'm getting married soon...all these mile markers. Good things, all good. But my head is spinning.
I have to uphold my responsibilities and listen to my instincts mostly. And people around me don't understand what it's like, but I'm trying. And that's all that matters, right?
Azalea_Rowan wrote 440 Days Ago (positive)1I've been there, sometimes your growth spurts kinda leave you stunned a bit. Honey, it's normal and I'm very happy for you. You're on your way to becoming the woman you want to be and you're right, you don't have to be loud and brash to be a warrior. I'm filled with warrior energy, partially because I'm an Aries and also because I am a survivor who refuses to back down no matter how hard life tries to knock me down, it seems you're the same way. You are right about Army life, you don't leave the fallen behind. There's also a saying "Fallen but not forgotten" in regards to honoring fellow servicemembers who've fallen in battle. I'm proud to call you my friend.1 point Dancing_Happens wrote 440 Days Ago (positive)1It seems to me that the thing most needed in a warrior these days is a strong sense of honor.......our military doesn't tell soldiers they are trying to instill this in those lacking it, and WE know you came to the Guard with PLENTY and to spare!!! I speak for myself (and many many others I am certain) when I say I am SO DAMNED PROUD OF YOU!!! Scyn is right, your Witch will adjust and grow WITH you, not to worry, my Dear. You are just where you need to be, and CONGRATULATIONS! mister! for getting our lovely lovely WT to marry you!!! Blessings to you and yours!!! P.S. Post some pics, blast it!!!1 point Scyn wrote 440 Days Ago (positive)1I think you're an inspiration. A miracle. To have gone through what you've gone through, you're already a soldier. You've just found another, extremely admirable way to be one. I know if you're anything like me, words of praise are nice, but it has very little to do with why you do the things you do. And I know you're absolutely strong enough to bear the changes that are approaching at a rapid pace. Your witch will adjust with you and rise up to meet the challenges you face, just like it has and is doing now. I especially love what you said about caring for your fellow man. These days, even those who claim to care about their fellow man are the same ones who apply it conditionally. But a real soldier knows what it really means to care about their fellow man. That it's vital to save even the "stupid" or unlikable ones to preserve their chance to learn and change. What grace is given to us, may we pass on. Keep us updated. Come to us for support when you need it. You have lots of it here.1 point