Dear children of the corn syrup,

While I understand that your high fructose bretherin have made it big in commercial society, I fail to see why you retain your childish title.  Shouldn't it be people of the corn syrup?  That is all.  Please make a note of this.

Your lord and master,

DigitalMagick.

P.S.  I was watching a documentary that I'd found this morning on the tube of You, and it occurred to me, that I really could use a sandwich.  Not just any sandwich mind you, but a chicken sandwich.  Not just any chicken sandwich of course, but a Spicy chicken sandwich.  With that, I proceeded to sign myself temporarally out at work, and make my way to the local Wendy's Restaurant for a spicy chicken burger (Plain, with bacon).  Now I know that many people prefer their foods to be all natural, in the most grotesuqe fasion possible...But these new french fries at Wendy's are just aweful!

Now to be fair, they aren't really aweful on the global scale of french fries...but when compared to their predecessors, they are posatively disgusting.  I decided to host a little science experiment, since - as luck would have it - I'd acutally (no word of a lie) caluclated the exact amount of time it took for the fries to go cold, and uneatable.  It was about 14 minutes from serving to disgusting.  However these enw fries had managed to reduce this to a mere 9 minutes.  Furthermore they had potato skin still attached to their ends.  And on occasion, you can even find a potatoe eye in the fry.

It's worthy of note that the old fried weren't exactly the best contenders on the market, as there is much fame and fanfare about the McDonalds variety...But Wendy's did have a valliant contender.  Yet for reasons completely beyond me, Wendy's had decided to scrap with success and trade it in for utter failure.  I will accept the fact that this opinion may be exclusive to me...and everyone I've met in person so far...But honestly, this obsession with everything being all natural at the cost of quality and health must end.

Oh that's right, AND HEALTH!  What many people don't realize is that something being all natural, does NOT imply better.  That's the problem with this obsession.  Everyone assumes that if it's Purely Organic, All natural, no preservatives, and Compeltely hand picked...that it must be better.  Let's start at the end of that statement and work backwards (because it's fun that way).  Hand picked...People make mistakes, are biased by opinions, media, and other forms of food that have been previously digested by male bovine.  What does this mean?  Well to put it simply, I'd trust a computerized piece of machinery to pick out the best potatoes (or other things) for consistancy and quality LONG before I'd trust a person.  Computers don't make their own mistakes, in fact every mistake a computer has ever made, has been the fault of a person.  Whether it be the person who designed that computer, the person who wrote it's software, or the nutter sitting in front of it pushing buttons trying to make the smily face in their IM conversation moon their friend from miles away (now that's remote control!).

But what of the next statement.  No preservatives, something people everywhere are learning to fear.  But take a look at any mead maker, wine maker, or food factory of some sort, and ask them Why the preservatives are in their foods.  They are there not to hurt us, but to protect us from all the nasty little forms of bacteria that wish to set up camp in our lower intestine and ruin every date we go on with violent gastrointestinal explosions that may not be entirely gassious...oh ant they might want to kill us too.  While I'll grant that perhaps preservatives are used in too great a quantity in some cases...Using none of them at all would be like saying "Hey, that seatbelt cut into her shoulder a bit durin the crash, perhaps seatbelts aren't safe, let's get rid of them".  It's also fair to say that in some cases perhaps the wrong preservatives are used.  I'm sure each of you has been nievely roped into some hype about how some metasulphate or some other long sciency named chemical preservative is the hitler of the chemical world...but let's look at this objectively.  We have over 100,000 different preservatives that we can use.  at least 1000 of them are completely tasteless and odorless.  So guess what, find the dangerous ones, and USE THE OTHER ONES.  Don't stop using them alltogether.  Here's an interesting fun fact, some preservatives are in fact VERY HEALTHY for you ON THEIR OWN!

And the next contender, All Natural.  Let's see what else is all natural.  Arsenic, Potassium Cyannide, Anthrax, The Black Plague, Hepititus, E-Coli, Tobacco (in it's natural form it's just as smokable and just as bad for you), Jaundice, and Pauly Shore.  Yet none of these things are good for us.  Should we assume that something being all natural is automatically fantastic?  Better be prepared to accept Marijuana, unrefined cocaine, and opium too.

And in the next corner we have Purely Organic.  I think you can follow where I'm going with this, YOU are purely organic, so cannabalism is a good idea?  What about Caster beans?  How about...ohh I've got a good one, how about Daffodils?  You can hand pick one, it's all natural, purely organic, and has no preservatives.  Yet All Narcissus varieties contain the alkaloid poison lycorine, mostly in the bulb but also in the leaves.  Fancy taking a nibble?

We've all seen or heard abot Micheal Moore's film about how evil McDonalds is with their food, but I'm not trying to advocate the worst fast foods possible, I'm simply taking a look at what is common in a grocery store.  So let's all band together and say FUCK OFF with this obsession towards making everything as dirty looking, soil still clinging to it, natural, and organic as possible.  I guess at the end of it all, what I'm really trying to say is that I think I prefer black shirts over white ones.  They look more professional.