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February 19th, 2010 (819 Days Ago)
Well, it finally happened. My honey broke my heart last night. Right into tiny tiny sharp fragments that hurt me when I try to breathe.
He is 15 years younger than me, he is the widower of my best friend Cherie, who died 3 years ago March 4th. We have been intimate for about a year and a half now. Last night he called me, and said this: "I do not want to hear the L word, I think to myself, what about when I fall in love with someone, how will I tell Amanda?" EEEEEEK!!! When he falls in love?????!!!!!
Now I have to tell him I am madly in love with him, and he will have to decide whether he is going to give that love a chance or bail out on me now, calling it a good thing while it lasted, but it's all over now.
I just wanted to get the F out of Dodge, so I called my baby brother, to see if I could go there for the weekend. He said I don't know where we'd put you. So I guess that's out.
Now I am just plain miserable, I've cried until I look like a raccoon and that's without the makeup! My heart hurts so much I feel suicidal. Dont' tell anyone that, ok? My psych nurse thinks I'm ok.....definitely NOT.
So, if you have had a painful love in your past, please tell me about it. Or if you love me, please tell me that, too. I hurt worse than I ever have before. I was SO happy yesterday until he called.
Talk to me People.
DancingΩ
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Deiseil wrote 287 Days Ago (positive) 1I've had so much "man crap" smeared all over me in my 35 years I don't even know where to begin....so....I won't. I'm in a relationship but it is tumoltuous (sp?). I've sworn to myself in the past I'd just be a lesbian but I can't get past a few of the physical characteristics pfff LOL! My female friends are the only ones who truely know me and how I think. When you can't find a guy that is able to do that, sure as heck feels like something is lacking. Thankfully I have kids and hobbies, and friends, and work, and all that jazz to make me realize that I don't HAVE to be in a relationship. A relationship is just whipped topping on a sundae. Makes life sweeter but you CAN go without it. Especially if you are happier without it.0 points
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Dancing_Happens wrote 812 Days Ago (positive) 1Yes, thank the Goddess, I can see Spring right out my window! It has been so beautiful and warm and sunny, it's like my mood was. Now it's raining again and chillier, much like my mood. Fortunately, Goddess will bring us Spring for real and it will help heal me. Thanks for the love!!!0 points -
Jynxie wrote 816 Days Ago (positive) 1awwww, I just totally feel your pain, brings tears to my eyes as I think we've all loved, lost and been left broken-hearted. It's ok to feel really sad and give yourself permission to take that time. Just don't stay there as I did for a very long time. The fact is, he had no business continuing an intimate relationship with you if he didn't have quite the right feelings for you, and I am certain he will experience karmic retribution for it. But no matter, when you are ready just take a deep breath and thank him silently for making you feel those feelings so you know it's always possible to feel them, and will feel them again. Thank him for at least being honest and telling you now rather than later when he does meet someone else, for the pain would have been much worse had he waited any longer. You will rise above this, and the pain will lessen with time, and lots and lots of dancing!! Stay strong, we are all here for you!1 point
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