Ok, someone reminded me of something I did once. Why that matters is she thought I could repeat it. Some people are so crazy... Here goes...

A lot of people profess to be witches/wiccans/pagans, but all they do is read books and hang out on websites. They would whine they didnt have the stuff or the tools to do anything. People, noone likes an armchair pagan. How much can you really -know- if all you have ever done is theorize and fill out notebooks? I'll tell you that you can't be an expert on something you have never actually done. Imagine going to a doctor who has tons of books but who had never actually seen a human? But it's ok, Mama V is here to help. Yes, mama, raised a handful of kids, had a couple, been teaching for longer than many of you have been alive. Forward...paddle.

First: You don't need tools. Second: You don't need space/altars/statues/incense/oils/wine/fire Third: You don't need a dagger of any name etc.

Now you are sad because all your laziness will not cut it. Grow up. Here is what you do:

1. Go into your bathroom. Got one right? I hope so.

2. If you can, jump in the shower if not turn on the sink.

3. However you do it, get your power hand wet. Dunno what that is? What hand do you write with? That works.

4. Dab some water on your third eye. What is that? Smack in the middle of your forehead.

5. Say, out loud or in your head, "Bless me Mother for I am your child." No, no fancy craft name bs, She knows who you are.

6. Wet your hand again. Dab the top of both of your feet, whatever order you want, don't matter. Say:"Bless my feet that have brought me on this path."

7. Wet it again. Dab both of your knees, say: "Bless my knees that Have/Will kneel at your sacred altars.

8. Wet it again. Dab water 1.5 inches below your belly button. I am not going to figure out the metric for you. Say: "Bless my sex that Has/Will/Might/Wishes it could/make something up? Brought forth life or honors life or respects life or something of that nature." (good gods, you're an animal that is alive because someone, somewhere bred.)

9. Dab of water on your chest or heart. "Bless my heart to be a fitting temple to you." The wicca would say "Bless my breasts formed in beauty" or "Bless my breast formed in strength" girls and guys respectively.

10. Dab of water on your lips. "Bless my lips that will speak the sacred names/words."

11. Another dab on your forehead. "Bless me mother for I am your child."

Some add a drip to each palm, saying "Bless my hands unto your service." For the non-deists, If you don't believe in nature, it is fine. She believes in you and will willingly give the flora and fauna that are her children as well for you to eat and the sun will still warm you even if you are a jerk.

If you are feeling impure? Add some salt to your water. Yes table salt is fine, sure seasalt/kosher salt is fine too. What you don't have a paper cup? Seriously?

If you have anything at all that smells good... anything... air freshener, aftershave, baby powder? It is as good as incense, use it if you want. A scented candle you don't even light works.

You can bless a whole bottle of perfume/aftershave and use it just like any annointing oil. Says who? Says me and I know things. Ask around...

You can dedicate yourself to any deity or even just to witchcraft using the same exact ritual with just the intent in your head. If you want to sign a pact, understand it is only with yourself. If you break a promise, you break it to yourself alone and just look silly to everyone/everything else concerned.

You want to start a book of shadows/grimoire/whatever: Fine do it. Actually do it. Don't cry that it's not an etched/leather bound/black or whatever book. You want a symbol on it? Draw one. I suggest pencil first. Just saying... Blank journals can be bought anywhere and so can plain, mead notebooks. They both work but I'll tell you, you cry less when you have to tear a page out of a spiral bound than a hard-cover. Just saying... Plain bic pens that can be bought buy the bag/box are better just cuz you want it all in a similar ink, right? How dumb will it look if 5 pages are black, 2 blue and 1 purple? get all the genuine leather hard bound leather gold-leaf witchy big black book with some symbol on it out of your head. Make 50 spiral bounds first so you have good stuff to put in one of those when you're 30 and bored. Trust me because I KNOW, have done it and have been 30 and bored. Instead of a black witchy book, I had a kid. Just saying... Your priorities may change. I figure I will condense into one big book when I don't have to babysit the grandkids one weekend within the next 30 years. For real.

How do you bless the book, that expensive pen you bought JUST for your book (idiots...)?! How do you bless anything? Salt... some kind of stink... some heartfelt words... Do whatever you want but seriously, Do it. Don't talk and plan. Do something. New moon... full moon... waxing moon? Even waning moon to banish your laziness up to this point. Real witches never say "I Can't." Quit whining and making excuses and do something you will be proud of. I would be so ashamed if my entire legacy was "well She planned to do a ritual and write a book but never got around to it." Wouldn't you?

Seriously...

V

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