Hey all/anyone?

For years I lived with and was surrounded by Wicca and had always held a special affinity for it. However, as I've reached one of the more darker and desperate times in my life recently, I found myself searching the skies and my soul and with that, I've found myself to the Wiccan path. I feel it in my heart that this is correct for me. I've been doing a lot of youtubing, reading and researching on the web, reading books. Right now I'm about halfway through Scott Cunningham's, 'Solitary Practitioner' book. Point is, I'm learning so much and reading so much from so many different sources, it's a bit overwhelming. However, taking all that into account, I've done a few things - but I'm not sure in any sense they had any cohesiveness for the effects I wanted. They were satisfying to me and emotional however I'm unsure of the practical way of doing things.

Examples of what I've done:

1) At first, I just lit a couple of candles, grabbed dirt from outside my home with flower and put it in a bowl and deeply thought and imagined that I was talking with the God and Goddess. I felt a connection, an energy with me. It encouraged me. I pleaded that I felt broken and begged for guidance and assistance. I feel a direct communication back. I'd been without a car and desperately needed one for work. The next day, my Uncle whom is n avid Catholic called me up and decided to 'give' me a car I'd asked about buying. He told me before I said anything, he felt as if 'God' wanted him to give it to me. This was the first time in my life I'd put something in practice spritually and seen a true recriprocation. That's not to say I think that sprituality is a bargain for materialism - I just felt as if the Gods were connecting and communicating with me - nudging me forward.

2) The next time, I wwas just perusing spells and rituals, writing in my 'tempo' BoS(a spiral notebook - I wouldn't even call it a BoS, more somewhere to jot my thoughts for now.) and came upon a 'relaxation' spell. Having been continuously stressed, I walked outside with a b owl of water, some incense and a candle. I offered basil and herbs into a bowl after reciting a spell I'd read, all of this done under the moon and stars. And I nearly wept that night, feeling the energies, putting my soul skyward and trying to empty myself of fear and woe and pain. And afterwards, when I'd thanked the God and Goddess, I promised to forever follow hand in hand with them and espouse only positivity when I can to help give something back to the world AND to Wicca as Cunningham had suggested in writing.

3) Just now, I put together the first time a few items I set up as an altar. I udnerstand briefly that there's a 'shrine/permanent altar' and a temporary altar for circle casting and energy work, I suppose. I'm constrained by a house full of people though and had to retreat to my bedroom to meditate and commune so I couldn't cast calt or otherwise in a circle, but I did set up my altar. I have a wand and athame, bowls for salt and water, a cup, some quartz rocks, a pentagram charm and candles with herbs nearby. I went out and purchased these things knowing fullwell they're not truly neccessary but I feel as if they can be useful as I learn to use them correctly. So, I went in, lit an incense and filled the bowl with water, the other with salt and then proceeded to listen to new age music and meditate. As I did this, I imagined that I was in the fields of Ireland(my ancestor's home) and I felt at peace, imagining the green and lush wilderness as it appears to me in my mind. And then I held my pentagram bone charm in my hand and spoke to the God and Goddess, asking for peace and guidance to bring myself more aware and intune so we may have more communication and closeness. It was very emotional and powerful. Then, with the bits and pieces, I've learned and it just feeling right, I squeezed the charm in my hand and imagined all my engavtitiy and anger flowing into it and then being absorbed and transformed by the charm as I prayed. Afterwards, I felt as if I'd expelled a lot of negavitiy... I then thanked the God and Goddess, and poured the bowl of salt into the bowl of water and drank from it, returning a bit back to the empty bowl, refilling it. This was all to me signifying the recycling of negative energy into positive with the power from within.

My problem - thoughout the several things I've tried thus far, while they FEEL great, are they correct? If I talk about this with the Wiccan/Pagan mainstream am I going to be laughed at or scolded? I understand Wicca is very flexible and personal(the very reasons I'm following this path), I just don't want to go so loosey goosey I can't even call myself a Wiccan. I don't even know if I'm doing spells or roituals or meditation or... I don't know what I'm doing, lol.

To me it sounds like you're on the right path so far. The point is that you feel a connection and get results out of whatever practices you're doing. :) I think the best way you can learn is keep seeking information and keep practicing. You're already doing those things, so that's great!

Whether or not it can be called "Wicca" depends on who you talk to. Some people feel that one must be initiated into a Wiccan coven in order to practice Wicca properly. Others feel that as long as you believe in and practice its basic tenets, you can be Wiccan without having a formal initiation. Wicca and Paganism aren't the same thing exactly, but you'll learn about their differences with more and more research. My mind is not at its best at the moment and I keep losing thoughts, so hopefully someone can explain this to you better!

If it feels right, do it.  Apparently it's working for you.  It's great to read and to study, but if you're not actually practicing, you won't get anywhere on this path (personally, I learn by doing).  The ways of the Witch/Wiccan/Pagan is through doing things yourself and taking risks, trying new things (depending on Tradition, I suppose).  It takes devotion and dedication.  Passion.  We are forever students.  But record what you're doing; what works, what doesn't.  Don't be confined to what others say is the ONLY way; thus there is no right or wrong way.  If you're a solitary, you're basically your own High Priest(ess), so you've got to figure this stuff out yourself.

Luck to you and blessings.

~)O(~

Hey there,

I like your post so much that I'm going to put my two cents in number by number :)

In your intro you describe pretty much what all of us have gone through at some point. No matter what age, you get to that special moment when you realize not enough people are reading. Not enough people are asking questions. Not enough people are happy!!! Then....YOU start reading, YOU start asking questions, and suddenly....YOU are more happy. Funny aint it? My advice is don't fall in love with one particular author. Scott Cunningham is a biggy, Crowly, Valiente, Buckland, Carr-Gomm, you name it. Read, read, read, and just take bits and pieces and make it your own. The hallmark of today's Paganism is it's flexibility. It's eclectic by nature. Some author's like Ly DeAngeles will give you a sense that there is only ONE way to do things, but I don't believe that. Here's why. Ever been reading, reading, reading, and then something jumps out at you when all the other stuff didn't? That's because somehow it appeals to you, makes sense to you, it's going to be something you do in practice when the other stuff may have been interesting but didn't seem right for you. You gotta remember one of the reasons you are here...is because somewhere and at some point you got tired of people telling you this is how everything is done now be a good boy and follow along...right?

1.When you did number one, you may not have realized it but you got the attention of the God and Goddess. You lit candles...that is energy, we'll call it your microphone plugged into an amp so they can hear you. You took from the Earth and put it into a bowl....that's an offering if you put it into a bowl and then ask for something from them. They saw it as an offering. The item you put into the bowl was from the Earth, this showed them that you had reverence for those things that they hold sacred. Next time, try only using dirt without a flower, or....find petals that have fallen off a flower already. Never underestimate the power of self either. Study the universal laws of magick. If you don't know what I'm talking about I'll message it to you. This is part of what you experienced here.

2. About the BOS. I think the materials you are using are not important at all. Keep going with it and if you use protective sleeves for the pages, you'll find that you can put all kinds of stuff in them besides a piece of paper. When you did the offering of basil....that's a pretty good herb! Look at the correspondences. Next time, if you feel like crying....go ahead. There are tales of witches tapping into their witch water powers when they are overcome by emotion. If you can, collect the tears into a vial. They can be used to empower a spell later on that you want to make especially potent with your emotion.

3. Your altar is personal to you and the items as you stated are not absolutely necessary. It's taken me a very long time to amass the items that I have. I got them because I felt they would help me concentrate better. (I have a hard time with this lol) I hand picked them from all over the world. I wait till I can buy cheap too! But what you describe is lovely. It is heartfelt and very personal to you and I think you are doing a great job! The salt as you know is a symbol of earth on the altar just like dirt can be. When you USE the salt to sprinkle with or without water it's purpose becomes purifying and cleansing. When you drink of the salt water you made....you are cleansing yourself. It was not wrong but let me assure you if you drink enough of it, you'll have yourself a colon cleansing lol. There is a reason why salt has been used for this purpose for eons. Long ago, people knew it preserved meat, it added flavor and made slightly rancid meat still edible, that carried over into protecting in the ether real realms. Today we know that salt collapses cell walls of bacteria so we eat salty chicken noodle soup when we are sick. It's a pretty powerful thing when you dig deep and read. It just occurred to you to use it this way for an emotional cleansing and I think it's great! The pentagram is a symbol of man's connection to the macro universe. You simply made a connection from you (the micro universe) to the macro. You used it as a conduit for your negative energy. Many things can be used this way. Again, look at correspondences of stones, herbs, candle colors, etc. Or, if you find that you need to do this type of emotional work before each altar session, then let this be the beginning of a personal custom for you.

And about your closing lol. I'm not a know it all but when you look up the definitions for ritual, meditation, spell, cleansing, consecrating, blessing, charging, etc. You'll have a better idea of the differences between them all. Those are basic definitions and I'd actually make a BOS page where you define them. What you describe to me is a combo of meditation, prayer, and short ritual. Please don't let anyone tell you that what you are doing is "wrong". The more you read the more you will find out why certain people do things a certain way. It'll make sense but you can adapt it to suit you or you can choose to do it differently because of how things mean to you. Oh, and you don't need a big space at all if you want to start trying to cast a circle. Idealy the circle would be big enough to work inside of but it you don't have the space, just make it big enough for you to sit on the floor or you could even do one just big enough to go around your feet while standing. I remember feeling weird because I didn't have a sword. I still don't. I was drawing a circle with my Scottish dagger and having to bend down low to do it. I thought to myself, this must be wrong because my back is killing me lol. I'm still doing it that way though because the dagger is something that spoke to me and I just "know" this is how I'm supposed to be doing it. I lay river stones on top of the line that I draw. Some use just stones, some use just a knife drawn line.....some say tomAto, some say tomato lol.

I hope my opinions have helped,

/|\, S.